My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
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you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
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judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize