her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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