Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
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On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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