The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I am full of burrito and curiosity
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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