I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
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My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
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It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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