I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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