So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize