I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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