She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
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i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
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Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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