I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
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I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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