I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
There are leaves in my underwear?
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