He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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