I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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