I will die if light touches me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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