The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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