There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I love you. Go after that dick
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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