my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize