Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Randomize