is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
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That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
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Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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