At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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