i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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