I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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