She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
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I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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