You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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