well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize