my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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