Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
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I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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