Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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