i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
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Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
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I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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