dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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