its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My feet surprised me
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