He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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