she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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