felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
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He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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