can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
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Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
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Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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