so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize