I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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