Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize