i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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