How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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