i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
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Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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