i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
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Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
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Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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