i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
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you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
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i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Who died my cat blue again?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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