Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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