If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize