Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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