I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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