I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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