just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
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Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
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He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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