im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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