no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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